He's determined to win the Tour de France you know, what a daft bugger. I tried explaining to doctor Finlay that he will not be allowed to enter the competition on his motorbike, but he just wasn't having any of it. You know what these stubborn public school boys are like, once they've got an idea into their heads, there's just no stopping them. They're bred to be leaders, you see and don't take advice easily - they just lock horns, stubborn buggers, just like stags.
You know he just sped off into the sunset. The problem was he was that determined he hadn't realised that he was still wearing his bloody flip flops - plonker!! It's likely he'll slip wearing those things, could even have an accident. Then what will all the old dears do? What will I do? I need frequent treatments, particularly high volume dosages of TLC.
I think he's in a bit of a sulk because his operation on Doris, sorry I mean Joan, did not go to plan. The prosthetic thumb he'd ordered for her didn't fit onto her chubby arthritic hand. So Doris, sorry I mean Joan will no longer be able to knit all of those award winning mittens anymore.
Because I am loyal to doctor Finlay I decided to visit Joan in the hospital, I bought her a gift and no it wasn't grapes, it was a DYSON top of he range 2007 knitting machine - actually, snatchally
I said, "Doris, sorry I mean Joan, you'll be knitting those award winning scarfs in no time at all, and as for those mittens, well you'll be churning mittens out in minutes. You'll be known as 'the minute a mitten granny'. You'll win prizes for speed as well design. Believe me Joan, I can feel it in me waters."
And, with that she gave me a gummy smile (coz she hadn't put her dentures in).
Just to recap:-
Joan got a knitting machine, and not as originally planned a badly fitting prosthetic thumb - not to worry, nothing ever really goes to plan in life, call me cynic.
Doctor Finlay is crossing the French alps wearing flip flops, sexy leathers, on the back of a motorbike and I'm sat here in Scotland, watching gay men having sex on channel Four.
2 comments:
I'm actually just a humble grammar school boy....
Aye doctor I know where you're from. I've seen the photos, especially the ones with those cucumber sandwichs. All those raised eye brows and bendy canes. That's why your mother calls you the whipper snapper. Aye Finlay - I know your wee botty needs a smack, smack from time to time.Somebody has got to keep you in check!!
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