Rupture des Nouvelles.

Maria PeePoo et President Sarkozy.

Reporter: Aujourd'hui le Président Sarkozy a parlé dehors pour la première fois au sujet du docteur fou Finlay qui détruit la réputation de dans le Tour De France. Selon des rapports 500 dirigeants de police emballent à travers les alpes françaises à la poursuite du docteur aliéné.

President Sarkozy: Je suis très fâché que les gens aiment docteur Finlay qui détruisent la réputation du de la Tour De France. Nous n'avons avant jamais eu un cycliste de port de moteur de bascule électronique. Je pense que je le tuerai, celui's si nous pouvons l'attraper. Je sais qu'il a la morsure de gel mais cela \ 's près du point, fraude lui 'de SA et lui doivent être arrêtés.

Une femme locale Maria PeePoo a eu ceci à dire : Il a frappé en bas de deux de mes moutons et j'ai pensé que cet homme était un docteur. Il n'est pas un docteur s'il était lui aurait arrêté et avait donné à mes moutons le baiser de la vie. Au lieu de cela il a ri dehors fort. Je pense que la morsure de gel doit son cerveau aussi bien que ses pieds. Par le regard de ses pieds il devra faire amputer les deux. Ils sont putréfiés. Mon mari dit en deux jours où ses pieds se laisseront tomber complètement au loin.

Ainsi, ceci conclut mon rapport. (le journaliste parle directement à l'appareil-photo) regarder, j'aiment le Tour De France, svp je vous prient de soigner, descendent de votre motocyclette, vous ne peut pas probablement gagner cette concurrence. Au lieu de cela monter sur votre vélo de montagne. Regarder, bientôt vos jambes deviendra des tronçons parce que selon le mari de Mme PeePoo's vos pieds environ pour tomber. Le regard qu'il pourrait être plus mauvais il pourrait être vos mains et alors vous ne pourrez jamais être un chirurgien encore. Arrêt maintenant je vous implore.

The photograph below is of Doctor Finlay during surgery.

Taken at 12noon, on 20th July 2007.

This was a moment of tremendous stress for the doctor. You see he had just removed the prosthetic finger from the packaging, and realised after looking down at Doris's, sorry I mean Joan's chubby arthritic finger, that it just wasn't going to fit.

Shortly after this nasty shock he was heard to mutter the following,"Bollocks, the damn thing just won't fit! Who ordered this piece of shit?"

His girlfriend (who was watching from the gallery) "It was you dear".

Doctor Finlay on his way to the 'Tour de France'.

He's determined to win the Tour de France you know, what a daft bugger. I tried explaining to doctor Finlay that he will not be allowed to enter the competition on his motorbike, but he just wasn't having any of it. You know what these stubborn public school boys are like, once they've got an idea into their heads, there's just no stopping them. They're bred to be leaders, you see and don't take advice easily - they just lock horns, stubborn buggers, just like stags.

You know he just sped off into the sunset. The problem was he was that determined he hadn't realised that he was still wearing his bloody flip flops - plonker!! It's likely he'll slip wearing those things, could even have an accident. Then what will all the old dears do? What will I do? I need frequent treatments, particularly high volume dosages of TLC.

I think he's in a bit of a sulk because his operation on Doris, sorry I mean Joan, did not go to plan. The prosthetic thumb he'd ordered for her didn't fit onto her chubby arthritic hand. So Doris, sorry I mean Joan will no longer be able to knit all of those award winning mittens anymore.

Because I am loyal to doctor Finlay I decided to visit Joan in the hospital, I bought her a gift and no it wasn't grapes, it was a DYSON top of he range 2007 knitting machine - actually, snatchally

I said, "Doris, sorry I mean Joan, you'll be knitting those award winning scarfs in no time at all, and as for those mittens, well you'll be churning mittens out in minutes. You'll be known as 'the minute a mitten granny'. You'll win prizes for speed as well design. Believe me Joan, I can feel it in me waters."

And, with that she gave me a gummy smile (coz she hadn't put her dentures in).

Just to recap:-

Joan got a knitting machine, and not as originally planned a badly fitting prosthetic thumb - not to worry, nothing ever really goes to plan in life, call me cynic.

Doctor Finlay is crossing the French alps wearing flip flops, sexy leathers, on the back of a motorbike and I'm sat here in Scotland, watching gay men having sex on channel Four.

I'm in Scotland for five weeks without doctor Finlay.

School is finally out.

I am already missing doctor Finlay. He had to stay behind in London, to attend to some of his patients. I sincerely hope that when I return he is still working on the same ward, as I might get all confused and disorientated. God Bless him and all of his patients.


He has some really sick ones on his ward you know. So, I couldn't possibly expect him to leave them, they're vulnerable and they depend on is healing hands. I couldn't possibly have expected him to travel on this treacherous winding, narrow mountainous road, all the way to the highlands. I mean poor old Joan Parker - she's one of his dependent patients. The ninety year old Joan, a pensioner, she has to have a prosthetic thumb replaced next week. Poor woman has been waiting on an NHS waiting list for the last 6 months, just to get this damn thing replaced.

Accordning to her son Bobby, she's itching to get back to her knitting and needs that thumb back!! Without a thumb she simply cannot do all of the fancy, award winning knitting, that she's so used to doing. Her grand kids are really pissed off about it, they love her mow hair jumpers, scarfs, mittens and woollen booties that she knits so well. Her mittens have won prizes in the North West. In fact she was until her thumb dropped off the best knitter of mittens in England.

Okay, I know it's the summer but her grand kids like to stock up on woollies for the winter months. They're vain like that you see, they like a different jumper for each day of the week.

According to the doctor this can be a risky operation involving three hours on the operating table. There's a danger that all of her digits might not be able to take the strain and drop off, during the op. Doctor Finlay confessed to me that it's not something he's very confident about performing, but as he is the only surgeon in Britain to have performed this challenging operation once before - he was made to do it again.

He was emotionally blackmailed into doing it again actually, if truth be told, by one her over enthusiastic relatives. I'm sure it'll be fine, he has steady pair of hands.


I love doctor Finlay. I know it's difficult for him to love me because it's just not the done thing. He's my doctor and he could if he's not careful get struck off the medical register for having a relationship with one of his sick patients. I am certainly not going to tell anyone about it.

self-portrait.

This is me staring at you Mr and Mrs Reader of my blog.

Now you all know what doctor Finlay has to put up with on a weekly basis.

Let me introduce to you - my lover doctor Finlay,

Like IDS, doctor Finlay is also a respectable Tory. He's the sort of Tory that people cross the road to meet, shake hands with. Whereas they avoid eye contact when they see me, they're often scared.

Anyway to celebrate doctor Finlay's dedication to the party I decided to dye his hair facial hair blue. He was a wee bit drunk last night, so I thought that this would be the perfect time to do it, when he was totally out for the count.

He's not speakng to me today - I don't know why. Maybe I'll surprise lhim ater with something else. I'll have a think. He needs cheering up.

Ladies and Gentlemen may I present to you his royal highness the King of social justice and the champion of the peoples' society. It's the King IDS.

It's about time politicians looked at mending our broken society - it's a bloody mess. Where do you start? CSJ have had to ask some difficult questions. The answers won't come over night but at least they've started to really consider what might actually help the vulnerable and the disaffected, mind you it's not just those folk, it's about people on low incomes struggling to keep their heads above water. Stop patronising people with benefits Mr. Gordon Nose Picker Brown - most people want responsibility, want to work and have reasonably good quality of life. It's complex there's a lot to fix up and it won't be an easy job. Basically, Britain is an expensive lifestyle. PLC Britain, we're all share holders with the majority of us getting very little in return. Let's sack the MD - throw him out, throw him into a pit of wiggly worms - he'll love that.

It's hard for young people to get onto the property ladder and then for them to have to manage their finances, it's even harder because of the cost of living is just so expensive, in fact it's a squuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzeeeeee. They probably have to juggle university debts and a significant part of their income will be spent on their mortgage repayments and then there's their energy bills, council tax bills, all that will be left is barely enough money for them to buy a Big Mac. Perhaps that's all that they can afford to eat - Big Mac's, if this is their regular diet they will then become clinically obese, so they'll have to go and get their stomachs stapled, which will put greater strain on an already struggling NHS. If they don't get their stomachs stapled and continue to eat Big Mac's they'll end up damaging their joints and could potentially end up wheelchair bound, so they may even have to stop working altogether. Then who will pay their mortgage? So, they could potentially lose their home, so they'll have to be accommodated in social housing, but as we all know there is a shortage of social housing, so they'll end up being put up in a B&B, where they'll be exposed to regular fry-ups every morning. By this time they'll have become so obese that a hotel we'll have to be specially built for them.