Saturday, 30 June 2007

An article written by Sue Joyson.

Yesterday evening was the annual Women2Win Summer Fundraiser at Kevin Bell’s wonderful river-side location. The aim was an informal get-together of Conservative women, some of whom are candidates, supporters and MP’s. Delicious canap├ęs with Pimm’s and Champagne helped relax everyone. David Davis, Shadow Home Secretary gave a speech in which he praised Margaret Thatcher who as the first woman Prime Minister was an inspiration to all women in the Conservative party. I met a lovely, jovial lady who is hoping to win the South Derbyshire seat at the next election, and she was thrilled that the Conservatives had won control of the council for the first time and where she is leader. This lady appeared so untypical of some of the suave, sophisticated women candidates in that she was warm, approachable, everyone’s mother, colleague, friend, mate and very funny. I hope she wins. Some of the other women candidates take themselves more seriously and I wonder if they can relate to the ordinary voters or engage with their problems as easily. Another woman I admire tremendously has had to overcome prejudice towards her sexuality, but has been accepted unequivocally by the Conservative Party and has been chosen to fight a seat in the Midlands. She deserves to win as she really listens to people and takes on board their problems.

There was quiet consternation at the announcement of Quentin Davies’s defection to Labour, but the consensus was that he would not derail the Tories from its modernising programme under David Cameron. There was also the feeling that having been passed over by David Cameron as a minister in the Shadow Cabinet there was an element of sour grapes.

My one reservation with the evening was that at £50 it was much too expensive for many women to attend. Maybe the idea was that only a select number of women would go because of the small venue, but there are women out there who work in the public sector, professionals, stay-at-home mums, or the unemployed who wish to get actively involved in the Conservative Party but who would find £50 just too much. What a shame! Not all women are business women or chief executives.

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Forget an apple for teacher, not unless it's laced with bloody narcotics!

School Report – backdated from the last two months.

Anyway, let’s start with a positive story. It involves a wiggly worm and a student’s glove. One of my little year sevens, and I do mean little now, she’s about as tall as your average four year old, but what’s that got to do with the price of sausages, she’s a sweet kid with a good heart. God knows how she survives in that school of gigantic giants. I had just come out of the school gates when I heard this little voice from behind me, “Miss Mackenzie.”

“Yes?” I turn around, to see this sweet little kid standing there, looking up at me, suddenly, I feel like a skyscraper. I am only 5ft 5 with heels on and now I feel like Canary Wharf.

“I want to show you something”.

“Okay then, what is it?”

She takes one of her gloves off and in it there is a rather long wiggly worm, which she pulls out. It must be about a foot in length, more like a python than a worm. It’s almost as long as her tiny frame.

“Oh, that’s nice. What are you going to do with that then?”

“Take it home and bury it, in a plant pot”.

“Lovely, will it actually fit?”

“Yes, I have lots of worms at home, in different plant pots.”

“Does your mother mind?”

“I don’t tell her”.

A vision of a bedroom floor awash with wiggly worms enters my head, I feel like I am going to puke.

”I think you should tell your mum you know. They might escape or something. Then what will you do? Call the RSPCA? (I start laughing – she doesn’t, she just stares at me like I am insane. I change the subject) Where did you get that from?”

“I found it”.

“Nice. Okay, make sure (at this point I don’t know what to say. I did the teacher bit, I showed enthusiasm towards the worm and her, but it was difficult as I just hate worms – they turn my stomach. I kept thinking how on earth has this child managed to keep it in her glove, ugh, the thought of it moving around, sliding in between my fingers makes me feel sick, yuk). I’ll see you tomorrow then.” I start walking away.

Calling out after me, “Miss Mackenzie.”

Reluctantly I turn around. At this point I am desperate to get away from the sight of that worm, “Yes.”

“Would you like me to get you one?” I turn around, again. I don't want to disappoint her, but I just don't want a worm - I hate them! I choose my words carefully.

“That’s very sweet of you, thing is I don’t have a garden, or a plant pot. In fact I have absolutely no plant pots in my accommodation at all. Anyway, you better get that wiggly worm home soon, (she starts giggling when I refer to it as a wiggly worm. I pause for a moment and then I start laughing with her, we are laughing for a good two minutes).
He looks hungry to me; you don’t want him to starve!” I start walking away, again.

“Miss Mackenzie”. I turn around.


“Can I walk with you for a bit?”

“Sure, come on then”.

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Apology to Secret SquirrelSWUK2007.

Sadly, my party did not go ahead. It wasn't a hoax - it really was due to take place. I had bought a water pistol and water bombs etc but I ....... had a panic attack (on Friday morning and didn't make it into work)- I get them occasionally - not pleasant, believe me.

I am better now. As result of this I spent all of Monday hiding in the drama studio. I couldn't face my boss. It is an absolute taboo taking time off in that place, nobody, I repeat nobody, takes time off and I did feel extremely guilty about it. I felt I had let the kids down.

On Saturday evening when I was feeling a little bit better I persuaded Dr. Finlay to have a game of hide and seek with me, which he did, that cheered me up a lot. It's not often I get to play it, living in my bedsit.

I decided to be really original and hide behind a door. When he opened the door I was able to easily jump out at him. I pretended to be a grizzly bear as I grabbed hold of him. I made all of the bear noises. I wanted to make it a believable and authentic performance, we're talking Stanislavski style and standard of acting. It was unexpected fun. I managed to wrestle Dr Finlay to the ground. He was a bit shocked and said in a rather frazzled tone, "I think it's time for your booster now". That's after him finally managing to unclasp my tight grasp from around his torso.

Dr. Finlay also informed me that I share my birthday, which is actually 17th June and not 16th June with Ken Livingstone. Shortly after telling me this he had to resuscitate me because for a moment I lost consciousness. Apparently I had a seizure of some description.

Sue's back from Canada - GREAT!!! I would like to invite Sue to write a guest post on my blog. Are you game Sue?

I am not going to reveal Sue's identity - that wouldn't be fair on her. All I will tell you is that she is Tory, she's attractive and unlike me she really is a political beast - she really knows her stuff and talks with a great deal of conviction, zest and all that positive stuff that politicians try hard to do - she's a natural basically. We're talking knowledge here - depth, keeping abreast of all things political.

At the moment this well educated, passionate woman has been pursuing a career in politics now for about ten months. It's tough because it does appear to be a predominately male dominated environment. I am definitely NOT into positive discrimination, and neither is Sue, but you do tend to get the impression that it's jobs for the boys, mostly. And, if you're a woman and you're over thirty five that can often be a barrier too. My boss is a classic example of someone who looks at age and dismisses a person on the grounds of their age. She wasn't going to interview our current administrator because she is over forty, that's until I had words with her. No wonder we clash so much, she's such a bigot. We can't all be under thirty and Princesses - like she obviously thinks she is.
Going back to Sue; she is a public sector worker, works in the health service. Whilst holding down a full-time job, running a home, a husband and two grown-up teenagers she managed to successfully complete a degree with honours.

Respect goes out to Sue!!

I met her at a W2W event a year and half ago (that was the very same night I smoked a large Cuban cigar and had a conversation with the cross dressing snowman) and, we have subsequently met at CWF events and other Con bashes.

So, Sue are you game?

By the way I am not going to the next W2W event - I don't have fifty quid and it's Tottenham's AGM that night. Justin has told me that I MUST attend. So, I am going to go to that instead.

Tuesday, 12 June 2007

If You Are Young-ish Gifted and Tory - Then You Are Invited to My Birthday Bash in Stokey! This Saturday.

An open invitation to celebrate DSBJ's 35th birthday on Saturday 16th June 2007.

Okay - so we have two rather stuffy Tory Party Conferences every year - well, they've got nothing on mine, mine is a mini less anal version. Mine will be much more accessible to all walks of life as it does not happen during the week of work, and guess what - it's entirely free! They'll be no queues, no security checks. There might be a few speeches, but that's about it.

Read Below, if you fulfil the following criteria then you are more than welcome to attend:
  • If you are a Tory - then you can come.
  • If you are under eighty years old - then you can come.
  • If you earn less than 30k - then you can definitely come.
  • If you are signing on - then you can come.
  • If you are in Stoke Newington on Saturday around 2pm - then you can come.

  • If you earn over 30k - then you cannot come.
  • If you are a member of any other political party that is not Tory - then you cannot come.
  • Sorry guys, but if you are a Stoke Newington crusty with a dog on the end of a piece of string then you are definitely not coming to my party. I hate crusties!!!!

What You Need:
Note to potential party goer - this is an interactive party (actually I think most parties are interactive), but this one is different.

You will need: -

  1. A water pistol - this is essential!!
  2. A large container of water (Highland Spring please, or, alternatively Strathmore)
  3. A bucket of water.
  4. A packet of water bombs - this is essential!!
  5. A change of clothes/shoes/a towel.
  6. A sponge.
  7. A sense of humour.
  8. A bottle of wine.
  9. A packed lunch or picnic.

Where we are meeting:

2pm in Clissold Park, Stoke Newington, outside the cafe.

If you are coming then you need to email me on:

The Running Order:

  1. Speech from DSBJ.
  2. 10 minute water pistol fight followed by a water bomb fight.
  3. Break - glass of wine.
  4. Bucket of water fight - we all throw buckets of water over each other.
  5. Speech from Justin Hinchcliffe (
  6. Break - glass of wine.
  7. Sponge fight - this involves running around throwing wet sponges at each other.
  8. Break - Toast to our leader David Cameron this is delivered by David Allen.
  9. Final water pistol fight.
  10. If we feel energetic we can end on a game of hide and seek.
  11. The rest of the afternoon drinking more wine and maybe a trip to Il Bacio.

See You Saturday - Straight up this is no joke!!!