Gales of Laughter:"Why are you laughing?" Because, you're making us laugh, you're funny.

The one thing to do
Is to do nothing. Wait.
...
You will find that you survive humiliation.
And that’s an experience of incalculable value. - T.S. Eliot

Why are you laughing?

Crowd: Because you’re from Benidorm, that’s why.

Dickhead (me): Given the current climate with tension growing in relations with both radical Islamism ……….

I think it’s important to follow your instincts, gut feelings whatever you want to call them, like last night. I should NOT have attended the Freedom Association’s event, entitled, "The Munich Pact 1938: Was Appeasing Hitler Sensible?" My gut feeling was telling me to go home and watch my favourite soap, Coronation Street.

At the event, after Graham had finished his talk, the floor was open to questions or comments. I stood up and tried to make a comparison with what Graham was talking about and relate it to some of my experiences in Hackney, where I have witnessed first hand Islamic fundamentalism, in my own classroom in fact. Some of the kids I teach have expressed anti-Semitic, anti-American, anti-British views and I have not really known how to deal with it. They don’t give you training on this at teacher training college. Some of the kids I teach have clearly been indoctrinated by fundamentalist parents, which makes you wonder why on earth their parents have sent them to a Church of England School.

My attempts at articulating my points on this issue were greeted with gales of laughter from the majority of people present, at the event, which I did not appreciate. So I asked them, ‘Why are you all laughing, it’s not funny?’ This was met with further out pours of laughter. I felt like a total dickhead.

I won’t be going back to any further events organised at the Old Bank. I wasn’t drunk and I wasn’t even that inarticulate, I thought I made reasonable and valid points, but everyone else clearly thought that what I was saying was pants.

So, I re-read the invitation I received and this is part of what it said

Our speaker will be Graham Stewart, history columnist on The Times and author of several books regarding historical political figures. Graham's subject will be "The Munich Pact 1938: Was Appeasing Hitler Sensible?"

He will discuss both the diplomatic background and the military situation to assess whether Neville Chamberlain squandered an opportunity to defeat Germany quickly or saved Britain from a sudden but deadly knock-out blow.

Given the current climate with tension growing in relations with both radical Islamism and Russia, it will be a fascinating insight into the most controversial historical instance of appeasement.

So, I was right to talk about my experiences, they were relevant.

You know what, fuck the lot of them. I won't be going back, next time I'll stay at home and watch Coronation Street, it's safer that way.

I was just glad that the doctor turned up at the end. I was burning up inside with anger.

Message to Tom Mason.

Hi Tom,

You are missed in Tottenham. We never had a chance to say goodbye. Will you and your girlfriend be coming to the dinner on Turnpike Lane? The one that Justin has organised, the Grahame Stuart one.

Hope so.


If you can't make that, then there is always Justin's coffee morning, in a few weeks time.


See you there.

Cat

Doctor Finlay and I, just before breakfast this morning.

He tried to persuade me to take his pistol into school, this morning, because things are getting a little out of hand there. The kids are insane, verging on, well they're a bunch of feral nutters. He said, I should use it, obviously as a last resort and in self-defence. I just told him to put it away. I insisted in fact, that he put it back, into his filing cabinet.

File it away, now.

DF: What should I file it under?

I don't know. I am not a secretary.

DF: I implore you, please, take this pistol.

I don't know how to use it. Is it loaded?

DF: No, no it's not loaded.

Not sure I can do this.

DF: Look it will be an act of self-defence. You need it Janet. I implore you. Don't worry it's not loaded right now.

Okay, how do I load it up?

DF: Just go to a sink, any sink. Take the nozzle off the top, look (shows me the gun) and fill it up with cold water, and then squirt.

So, it's a water pistol?

DF: Of course it's a bloody water pistol. What do you think I am, a frigging psychopath? I am a doctor, I try to preserve life, not take it away.

But, I don't want to get wet.

DF: You don't have to. My ex-wife left a wet suit in the attic, you can wear that.

Knock at the front door.

DF: Who the hell is that? My God, it's half past five in the morning.

Shit, you don't think we've disturbed the neighbours, do you?

DF: It's possible.

DF goes to the front door and opens it, he is completely gobsmacked at what he sees.

Boo Ritson: Hi, can I come in please?

Me: Who are you?

Boo Ritson: I am the artist Boo Ritson.

DF: What do you want?

Boo Ritson: I want my painting back.

Me: What painting?

Boo Ritson: The one you're using on your blog, and pretending that it's you and doctor Finlay. I want it back now, please.

Me: Oh.

DF: I think perhaps I'll go and put some clothes on, although I am sure you've seen this sort of thing before, being an artist and all that.

Boo Ritson: So can I have my painting back now, please?

Me: Sure. I'll just get dressed first though. How would you like it?

Boo Ritson: Well, I don't want it wrapped up, I'll just take it as it is now.

Me: Okay, well if you walk down the corridor, it's in the room right at the end, on the right hand side.

Boo Ritson: Thanks.

Louise Bagshawe: 'Just another Thursday' - Read her article on Conservative Home.

It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.
~Anonymous ~

I won't tell you about either my Wednesday or Thursday, in Hackney - but what I will say is that I need the following:



1) Help.

Anyway, Louise is a bonnie wee lassie, as sweet as the heather on the hills.

Do You Know who These Gloves Belong to? I found them on the steps of the stage at my school.

If you do, then please call Detective Inspector John Reid Barnabas on 0111 444 222 333 666.

Thank you for your co-operation in this rather delicate matter.

The Miss Havisham Party.

The above photo is of the Lib Dems, shortly after Nick Clegg became leader. It took only a matter of months and then the whole lot of them became extinct.

How did the Lib Dems become extinct? This is a question that has stumped scientists ever since Lib Dem fossils were first discovered at Westminster, back in the year 2008. There are many theories as to how the Lib Dems became extinct. This post presents some of the most popular theories. Keep in mind that there is absolutely no proven theory. Noone knows for certain exactly why and how the Lib Dems became extinct, although most people suspect it was something to do with their rather fake, yet pompous leader Nick Clegg.

Probably the most popular theory right now is the Asteroid known as 'Nickers Clegget', Theory. According to this theory a large asteroid or comet known as 'Nickers Clegget' collided with Earth about 65 million years ago. Scientists think that such a large collision would throw so much dust into the air etc, etc, causing dramatic changes in public opinion which resulted in voters turning off due to the Lib Dems fake and pompous leader, Nickers Clegget. Some party members rallied round and tried to salvage the dying dinosaur MP's, they even got their knickers in a clegget, but Nick had totally eroded the whole thing and it was too late.

Sunday 28th October, The Politics Show, interview with Alex Salmond. Andrew Marr enquired 'is English subsidy enabling Scotland to provide free tuition fees, free care for the elderly' etc ... Alex Salmond's response was as follows:

ALEX SALMOND: ‘Well perhaps the answer is to elect a government in England of English MPs who want to implant these policies south of the border. I mean we're publishing figures today which show that with control of our own resources Scotland would become the third most prosperous country in Europe and the sixth most prosperous country in the world.

So I think the solution to that argument, which will go on forever if we don't solve it, is to allow Scotland to raise its own money, take charge of its own expenditure, and allow England to do exactly the same. So I'm putting forward a, a solution which I think is fair and equitable, has growing support from Scotland, and I think it has a lot of support in England as well’.

This is exactly what the Tory party are advocating at the moment. I know that many people feel that Alex Salmond is deliberately stirring up the divide between the North and the South, with some MP's believing that Salmond is adding greater fuel to English anger over Scottish devolution, obviously with the intention of driving Scotland closer to independence. I just think he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. He can't win, can he? He is giving us Tories what we want and now we’re giving him grief. Obviously I am a wee bit biased here, with my Scottish connections, I do feel a bond with my native land, although, I do have a rather thick, yet cultivated Bradford accent. And, it is for this reason that many Scots don't accept me. They have referred to me, in the past, as the 'white foreigner' which is of course total madness.

No, I do like Salmond, sorry. I admire his directness and no bullshit approach to politics, He is definitely a conviction MP, and these days they appear to be a rare species, just look at how fake Nick Clegg is. He really has got on my proverbial tits. If this is the best the Lib Dems can do, then I am afraid to say we're looking at party that are going to become extinct. I can just see it the Lib Dems will all be sat on one side of the commons like Miss Havishams, covered in cobwebs all faded and yellow, ‘withered with sunken eyes'. resembling 'ghastly wax-work' dinosaurs. Thanks to wonder boy - Nick Clegg.

Read Conservative Home's article 'BBC employees are eleven times more likely to be liberal than conservative'.

Conservative Home.

Doctor Finlay has many hundreds if not thousands of books in his surgery, sometimes it resembles a library as opposed to a medical centre. Anyway, I happened to stumble, accidentally, across a book called 'Scrap the BBC!' by Richard D. North, and this is one of the things he says in his book: -

'The BBC is populated by many people who are broadly of the centre-left, but it doesn't suffer from leftish bias: it suffers from a stodgy green, soft-left green liberalism, which isn't the same thing. Now, in any case, political paranoia about the BBC is an equal opportunity experience: the two parties which share power, share their unease about the BBC. They also understand it and are understood by it. This is perhaps the worst feature of the present state of play: the media and the parties view each other as instruments that should be played'. page 89, 'Scrap the BBC' by Richard D North.