Sunday, 28 October 2007

The Miss Havisham Party.

The above photo is of the Lib Dems, shortly after Nick Clegg became leader. It took only a matter of months and then the whole lot of them became extinct.

How did the Lib Dems become extinct? This is a question that has stumped scientists ever since Lib Dem fossils were first discovered at Westminster, back in the year 2008. There are many theories as to how the Lib Dems became extinct. This post presents some of the most popular theories. Keep in mind that there is absolutely no proven theory. Noone knows for certain exactly why and how the Lib Dems became extinct, although most people suspect it was something to do with their rather fake, yet pompous leader Nick Clegg.

Probably the most popular theory right now is the Asteroid known as 'Nickers Clegget', Theory. According to this theory a large asteroid or comet known as 'Nickers Clegget' collided with Earth about 65 million years ago. Scientists think that such a large collision would throw so much dust into the air etc, etc, causing dramatic changes in public opinion which resulted in voters turning off due to the Lib Dems fake and pompous leader, Nickers Clegget. Some party members rallied round and tried to salvage the dying dinosaur MP's, they even got their knickers in a clegget, but Nick had totally eroded the whole thing and it was too late.

Sunday 28th October, The Politics Show, interview with Alex Salmond. Andrew Marr enquired 'is English subsidy enabling Scotland to provide free tuition fees, free care for the elderly' etc ... Alex Salmond's response was as follows:

ALEX SALMOND: ‘Well perhaps the answer is to elect a government in England of English MPs who want to implant these policies south of the border. I mean we're publishing figures today which show that with control of our own resources Scotland would become the third most prosperous country in Europe and the sixth most prosperous country in the world.

So I think the solution to that argument, which will go on forever if we don't solve it, is to allow Scotland to raise its own money, take charge of its own expenditure, and allow England to do exactly the same. So I'm putting forward a, a solution which I think is fair and equitable, has growing support from Scotland, and I think it has a lot of support in England as well’.

This is exactly what the Tory party are advocating at the moment. I know that many people feel that Alex Salmond is deliberately stirring up the divide between the North and the South, with some MP's believing that Salmond is adding greater fuel to English anger over Scottish devolution, obviously with the intention of driving Scotland closer to independence. I just think he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. He can't win, can he? He is giving us Tories what we want and now we’re giving him grief. Obviously I am a wee bit biased here, with my Scottish connections, I do feel a bond with my native land, although, I do have a rather thick, yet cultivated Bradford accent. And, it is for this reason that many Scots don't accept me. They have referred to me, in the past, as the 'white foreigner' which is of course total madness.

No, I do like Salmond, sorry. I admire his directness and no bullshit approach to politics, He is definitely a conviction MP, and these days they appear to be a rare species, just look at how fake Nick Clegg is. He really has got on my proverbial tits. If this is the best the Lib Dems can do, then I am afraid to say we're looking at party that are going to become extinct. I can just see it the Lib Dems will all be sat on one side of the commons like Miss Havishams, covered in cobwebs all faded and yellow, ‘withered with sunken eyes'. resembling 'ghastly wax-work' dinosaurs. Thanks to wonder boy - Nick Clegg.

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