Monday, 22 October 2007

Champion Of The Underclass, Nick Clegg's first interview with DSBJ.

Nick Clegg said .....
'I was at university at the height of Thatcherism, I was appalled by this soulless vision, there's no such thing as society. Twenty years later you have David Cameron saying society's anarchic. This is a vision of society, a Tory vision of society which I find by turns heartless and desperate. Now I represent a constituency up in the north, in Sheffield, one of the great cities of the north, which has got social inequalities which are utterly grotesque'.

After watching the Andrew Marr show on Sunday, DSBJ contacted Nick Clegg’s office to arrange an interview with him.

DSBJ: Nick, you're a champion aren't you, Nick? You represent the underclass, don't you?

Nick: Someone has got to.

DSBJ: That's lovely is that Nick, you're a kind man Nick. Let's go to the phone lines now. We've got Sheila from a sink council estate in
Salford, on line two. Go on Sheila you're speaking to Nick, your champion, the champion of the underclass.

Sheila: (cough splutter, husky Salford accent, due to 60 a day habit) Nick love, I smoke 60 a day, my teenage daughter's pregnant, her brother has been excluded from school twice, once for beating up a teacher and the other time for smoking some of that funny stuff. I'm on benefits and I can't get a job. What you going to do about it Nick? Oh, and my husband can't read or write (coughs, nearly chokes to death). What you going to do about it Nick?

Nick: I blame Margaret Thatcher.

DSBJ: Okay, let's go to the next caller, sorry Sheila, we're going to have to cut you off there.

Sheila: Well, what's he going to do to help me....???

Nick: I'm going to blame Margaret Thatcher for everything, that's what I'm going to do about it Sheila.

DSBJ: Next caller. We have Mary from
Newcastle. Go ahead Mary.

Mary: I'm too scared to go out at night because of the teenage thugs on my estate. What are you going to do about it Nick?

Nick: I'm going to blame Margaret Thatcher, that's what I'm going to do about it Mary.

DSBJ: Okay, thanks for that Mary. Let's go to the next caller. It's Mike from Tunbridge Wells, go ahead Mike. You're speaking to Nick, your champion of the underclass.

Mike: My wife has just contracted C difficile, what are going to do about it Nick?

DSBJ: Shall I answer that for you Nick?

Nick: Please.

DSBJ: He's going to blame Margaret Thatcher. Ok, next caller, that's a Mrs. Lewis, a 67 year old, who is actually living on the Isle of Lewis itself.

Canned laughter.

Mrs Lewis: I've had my pension nicked by Gordon Brown, and I'm finding it difficult to keep on top of council tax payments. I'm hungry because I’m living off a tin of baked beans every day. What are you going to do about it Nick?

DSBJ & Nick: (together in harmony) we’re going to blame Margaret Thatcher (raucous laughter from the pair).

DSBJ: You're really good at this politicking business Nick. I think after watching you on the Andrew Marr show that you've got longevity in this game; I really do, unlike Ming though. But, I guess when you get into your sixties you'll be doing botox, no doubt, by that time they'll probably be selling it over the counter at Boots.
Right, time for one more caller, and it's Jackie from
Milton Keynes. Go ahead Jackie; you're speaking to Nick Clegg the champion of the underclass.

Jackie: But, I'm not part of the underclass. I'm a white, middle class woman, with a degree from
Cambridge. I just wanted to say ...

Nick: Cut that bitch off. I'm not speaking to her.

DSBJ: Sorry, what did you say Nick???

Nick: I said cut that bitch off now!! I'm not speaking to her.

Jackie: Hello? Can I ask my question now please? I’ve been waiting for the last twenty minutes, and my baby wants feeding, and by the smell of it, its nappy needs changing as well.

Nick: No! You can't, you superior middle class white bitch!

DSBJ: Look Nick, stop raising your voice like that. That's not the way that champions speak to members of the public.

Jackie: But, I was at
Cambridge with you Nick.

Nick: That is beside the point, I'm a socialist liberal. What are you Jackie? No, I mean it, what are you?

Jackie: I'm a housewife from
Milton Keynes.

DSBJ: Okay, let's er ... stop arguing ...

Jackie: I'm not arguing with him, I just want to ask him a question.

DSBJ: Go ahead Jackie.

Nick: (murmurs under his breath) Not happy about this, it's supposed to be for the under classes, not smug white middle class people like her.

DSBJ: But, I thought we were a multi-inclusive society Nick? You can’t discriminate against Jackie? Surely everyone is equal Nick?

Nick: (getting increasing irate, trying hard to contain his temper) Not everyone is equal DSBJ, take Ming, he’s not my equal. He’s past it. Like a gone off tin of kippers.

DSBJ: Sorry, I forgot about Ming. You’re right he is just one big kipper. All I am saying is, doesn’t the socialist liberal party advocate equality?

Nick: Fuck equality and democracy. It’s the socially inept I’m interested in, anyway. (His manner becomes increasingly neurotic) I want to indoctrinate them; after all they’re a bunch of fucking morons. Just topping them up with more and more benefits. It’s like we’re anesthetizing them, and then guaranteed, like a junkie, they’ll keep coming back for more and voting for us.

Forget giving them good schools, it’s better that they’re not well educated, education is dangerous, it gives people freedom, liberty. We don’t want that.

Jackie: Can I talk now please? Can’t stay on the phone too long, my baby needs its nappy changing. (The sound of a baby screaming in the background)

DSBJ: Go ahead Jackie, what’s your question for the morally insane Nick Clegg?

Jackie: My eighty-eight year old mother spends over thirty thousand pounds a year, on her nursing home care bill, yet there is a cap on the amount the local authority pays, for residence that require the same, or similar care. Is that fair Nick?

DSBJ: Can I answer that for you Nick, that's actually .... well, I don't know, who's fault is that Nick? It's not my fault.

Nick: (Looking slightly perplexed, in fact looked frazzled and a bit mad) I can't answer that question, I don't know.

Jackie: My mother is going to have to sell her house to pay for the mounting cost of her personal care.

Nick: Why don't you move the old crow to
Scotland. Right next caller.

The sound of a phone being hung up.

DSBJ: Okay, now we have morbidly obese twenty-three year old calling,
Sharon, from Croydon. Go ahead Sharon.

Sharon: Okay Nick, I'm a Chav. I'm morbidly obese, but I can't afford gym membership, because I am on the minimum wage, and I have to pay my parents rent money every week. And Nick, I can't afford to get onto the property ladder. I've been priced right out of the market Nick.
I did go to university, to better myself, and now I have twenty thousand pounds worth of student debts, to pay back. And, the other thing is, (starts crying) I didn't go into work today, because I wanted to watch the Trisha Goddard show. I thought Trisha could help me, give me some advice, I am depressed Nick.

Nick: Who the fuck are these people? They're total morons! (Rips his microphone off) Do you know what, I'm off!! Forget politics, I'd much rather work for the European Union, like Kinnock, the perks are much better and the job spec is a doddle.

DSBJ: But, Nick, what about all of those people you're letting down? You can't leave now.

Nick: Fuck-off!

He also said ....

'The life expectancy of people living in the poorest ward in Sheffield is a full 14 years lower than the life expectancy of those people living in the richest ward. And that is part, partly because of the ravages which were inflicted on that city by the Conservatives so, frankly, so much of my politics is driven by that'.

This was on the Andrew Marr Show on Sunday.

Please checkout Croydonian's blog, post entitled 'Yet more Labour achievements', where it states that the top twenty worst places in Britain to live are mostly Labour held seats, with a couple of Lib Dem’s thrown in. How long have Labour been in power now Nick?

For these left wing politicians to keep trawling the seabed floor, of what they perceive to be the damage that the Thatcher government did, is grossly unfair, especially, since Labour have been in power now for a decade.

Since Cameron took over the Tory leadership he has made many significant changes to the party. The work that Iain Duncan Smith is doing (Centre for Social Justice), along with Chris Grayling’s work, which is all about addressing issues of poverty, and more importantly helping people to get themselves out of the poverty trap.

Sadly many of us are subjected to the effects of a broken society. Although, according to Gordon Brown (during his party Conference) he denied that this broken society actually exists. What bollocks!

Watching Channel Four’s '20 Best and 20 Worst Places to Live', on Sunday, this show highlighted how much Labour have lied to us all, and failed the majority of the most vulnerable in our society. They, like Clegg, are no friend to the common man or woman.

As doctor Finlay pointed out to me two of those Labour Constituencies, in the 20 worst places to live in
Britain, were held by John Prescott and Alan Johnson, two of the highest ranking MP's within the Labour government. Of course John was too busy doing other things, like playing croquet in the nude with his secretary to even notice his constituent’s problems.



Tom Mason said...

Cat, you're a superstar.

An effing superstar!

(((massive applause for the post)))


Anonymous said...

Good, post. Thought it would never end - you were clearly on a roll!