Sunday, 11 March 2007

The kids in Salford

The kids in Salford were always playing practical jokes on me, because I am incredibly easy person to wind up and I do have the tendency to over react to just about everything. One morning I was sat in my office and could hear one of my students, "Miss, Miss, Miss .... Are you there?"
I said, "Is that you William? Where are you? I can't see you."
He said, "Miss I am above your head". I looked up to see a large pipe, I think it was some sort of air vent thing. "What do you mean you're a above me?"
He replied "I am trapped Miss. I climbed into the air vent and now I am stuck in it. I can't get out".

So I immediately ran out of the office and into the room next door where I knew there was a small opening to it, only to discover half a dozen giggling boys. William was standing on a desk laughing his head off.

Kids are great fun though. I had a really embarrassing experience, when I turned up for one of my lessons, in the main hall to find that the entire class were all hiding. I spent the first part of the lesson running around trying to find them all, every time I had my back turned one of them would switch the lights off, so I couldn't see anything. I just thought I hope to God the head doesn't walk past now or I am fucked. They would even do things like chase after me and try and tickle me. I swear to God that is true. I just didn't know what to do about that. We didn't cover this on my teaching training course - what to do if a group of hysterical kids start chasing you and tickling you. So, I had to come clean and tell my boss. She came to the next lesson and told them that they must stop tickling Ms. Mackenzie, as it is not appropriate behaviour. I was so embarrassed. It's just not normal is it, twenty odd kids chasing after a teacher.


I was terrified when the snake was stolen from the Science department.

One time I was doing dinner duty in the canteen and I just stood there and stared at them all. I thought to myself, 'there's something about these kids and I am not sure what it is'. I was troubled, they were bothering me in so many ways. And, then it hit me, right between the eyes: They all look the fucking same. I subsequently found out that there is a lot of incest in that part of Salford. My God - they are all the same, this is just one big extended family.

When they locked me in the porta-cabin that's when I knew it was time to leave.

15 comments:

The Hitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Hitch said...

They weren't trying to tickle you
they were trying to cop a feel teenage boys do that.
I had a temporary drama teacher once, very fit, for some reason she made us all wear blind folds and crawl along the floor (sounds really pervy) so of course we all tried to bump in to her and grab her leg or bum, for 12/13 year old boy it was a wonderful opportunity

T.P.Fuller said...

Have you thought about the public school sector?
We had a drama master that got de-bagged, and never got his trousers back.

Nice to hear from you again Miss Mackenzie.

I own no white van.

Newmania said...

The kids in Salford were always playing practical jokes on me, because I am incredibly easy person to wind up and I do have the tendency to over react to just about everything.


Yup you do but it is endearing . I enjoyed this post Miss Darker it was really natural and funny. It is one of the reasons you are loved and admired wherever you go

You also have some serious failings and faults but I am going to wait until you are in a better mood before taking the subject of improving you up.I have some ideas I want to go through with you about aversion therapy and a cattle prod

Just a nip and tuck here and there and you would be almost perfect.....but then do you want to be perfect ? It isn`t an easy road , take it from me

Justin Hinchcliffe said...

Your last two posts really cheered me up - thank you so much. Many of your experiences are beyond satire, but you have come through them all. You’re a strong and intelligent woman with amazing creative abilities. I am proud to call you a friend! Justin XX

A. F. Crossland"" said...

"Your last two posts really cheered me up - thank you so much. Many of your experiences are beyond satire, but you have come through them all. You’re a strong and intelligent woman with amazing creative abilities. I am proud to call you a friend!"

Oh Puke!

Darkersideofbridgetjones said...

Don't be so tight Crossland.

A. F. Crossland said...

By the way teacher... you have mis-spelled marijuana.

Darkersideofbridgetjones said...

I appreciate your comment. I can sense your disdain and disapproval at my poor English/grammar. I should be more careful, you are quite right. However, I must point out to you that I do not teach the children how to write or to punctuate sentences, or to spell for that matter. In drama it is an entirely practical based subject, yes, we do lots of reading, we perform, we have endless discussions, we evaluate our work verbally, but, we never do any written work in drama.

If I had to teach a written based subject or one that was more academic I would leave and find an alternative career.

I know what my limitations. At the end of the day I am thespian not a writer.

The Hitch said...

"a f crossland "is just some bitter
piece of nastiness and not worth resposonding to

A. F. Crossland said...

Not good enough. Must try harder.

Darkersideofbridgetjones said...

Yes, I must try harder.

And, as for you Crossland open your heart and then your mind will follow.

If you don't like this blog - don't visit. Anyway, you're more than welcome.

God Blessx

A. F. Crossland said...

I beg your pardon if I have offended. We all have to try harder. You presume a lot about my heart, such that it is.

Newmania said...

Crossland is a bit up himself isn`t he.

Where are you darker are you hiding ?

Anonymous said...

I think you should be talking about this on on 'Woman's Hour' _ or at the very least get sined up by Max Clifford for a
'My Salford Tickling Hell' piece in the News of the Screws.