the fact that my ice-berg hasn't changed much.
Then he pointed out to me ...
DF: Well, actually Cat, your bloody ice-berg is melting.
DSBJ: No! No way!
DF: Look! Look at it! It's got a bloody hole, right in the middle of it.
He was right, my friend, Cappo-Zadee, the ice-berg, had started to melt. I don't know what I am going to do about it. The doctor said ....
DF: This is a clear sign that Cappo-Zadee, your ice-berg, is troubled about something.
I rubbed my chin and pondered for a moment over the doctor's analysis. If, I thought to myself Cappo-Zadee is depressed, how the hell are we going to treat him. Not only is he an ice-berg, he is also many thousands upon thousands of miles away, in the North Pole.
Curious, I looked on google and typed in the following 'how to cure ice-berg depression'. There was nothing. I shook my head in disbelief.
DF: This does not look good. I think that Cat, you have to face facts. Cappo-Zadee is going to melt. I have looked in my bag of doctor's tricks, and there's nothing. You better make the call.
The doctor handed me the phone. I rang Cappo-Zadee and broke the news to him.
DSBJ: Look, look at me, look into my eyes.
Ice-berg (Cappo Zadee): I can't, I am in the North Pole and you are in Hackney, So, I can't look at you. On top of that I don't have any eyes. I can't actually see anything. I just feel cold all the time, that's what I do, feel cold, frozen, like Jack Frost, only colder. In fact I don't even know or understand for that matter how I am able to talk to you.
I have no internal organs and I certainly don't have a mouth, or any teeth. That's why I can't eat those annoying bastard penguins. Mind you, if I did I'd probably choke to death - bloody anti-social little fuckers. I don't know why people say that they are cute, coz they ain't. As soon the cameras and tourists go, they whip out their packets of fags, hundreds of them puffing away on their Marlboro's.
I am sick of those little bastards, they keep jumping on top of me and pooing everywhere. And, the other thing you don't know about them, is their binge drinking. They drink bloody Tenants for gods sake. So, there I am, sitting like a total berk, I mean berg, and those annoying little bastards, about five hundred of the fuckers, are sat there, pissed out of their tiny penguin heads, on Tenants. I can't take any more of this shit. I am a bleeding ice-berg, not a tacky Wetherspoons. I might not have human features but I do like the rest of me to be clean and tidy and without penguin crap or be bothered by their anti-social behaviour.
DSBJ: Is that why you're melting because you're depressed?
Cappo-Zadee: No, I am bleeding melting because those fuckers don't put their fag ends out properly, it's those fuckers that are making me melt.
Click on link below.
Alla Pugacheva - Iceberg (Айсберг)